Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Working

Hey everyone, I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  You may wonder what I’ve done in the time when I wasn’t blogging.  Well, here’s what I’ve been up to: stuff.  Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I do have a bit of news.  Yes, it’s seems that your friendly neighborhood blogger has found a steady job.  Of course, now that I have a job, I have more of a reason why I don’t blog.  Ah, who am I kidding, I never have a good reason why I don’t blog.  Anyway, Now that I have employment, I can write a blog post about having a job.  So I will, as outlined below:

1. Showing up is the most important thing – This is easy to understand, yet people still don’t do it.  It’s not hard to show up.  It’s not like school where you had to show up with things like homework and term papers and enough gum for the whole class.  In fact, my whole experience has been like so: in elementary school, the teachers gave me a bunch of homework, saying that I would have even more in middle school.  Then I got to middle school and the teachers said that the elementary school teachers were full of it when it came to that amount of homework, yet gave me a bunch of homework anyway, saying that I would be doing more in high school.  Then I got to high school and the teachers said that the middle school teachers were full of it when it came to that amount of homework, yet gave me a bunch of homework anyway, saying that I would be doing more in college.  Then I got to college and the teachers said that the high school teachers were full of it when it came to that amount of homework, yet gave me a bunch of homework anyway, saying that the real world would be much, much harder.  Then I got to the real world and they’re like “you showed up?  Here, have some money”.  So yeah, showing up is very important.  Also, I had to type this twice because WordPress sucks and deleted this and only this paragraph for whatever reason.
2. Nobody knows what they’re doing – This is a lesson that I’ve learned that applies to pretty much everything in life, but especially to the working world.  It seems like everyone is just faking everything in hope that everything will work out.  Somehow, the world continues despite nobody knowing what they’re doing.  I don’t know how it happens, but it does.
3. Break times are to be cherished – Confession time: Rob of the Sky isn’t the hardest worker to have ever graced the planet.  Even though I might be what some would consider a slacker, I still long for break time.  Now that I’m thinking about it, I might long for break time because I am a slacker.  Anyway, I like break time because I can surf the internet and not worry about anyone seeing me not work and calling me out on it.  Not that I’ve been called out on not working yet, but that possibility is there.  The best break time is lunch, of which I get an hour.  I don’t need a full hour to eat, so I spend like half of my lunch hour eating and the other half Googling my name.  So yeah, breaks are awesome.
4. Don’t let the management see you slack off – As I alluded to in the last point, I do sometimes slack off even if it’s not break time.  I’m horrible, I know it.  Anyway, I always gotta keep a eye over my shoulder in case a supervisor walks by and sees me not working.  Yeah, that’s something that wouldn’t end well for me, so I make sure to keep my eye out for supervisors.  Of course, I could avoid being caught not working by actually working, but that’s too much trouble.
5. Quitting time is the best part of the day – Especially on Friday, since it’s the longest possible amount of time before more work.

So, that’s all I have for now.  Until next time, remember that the only reason why your teacher gives you so much homework is because they hate you.  Peace out.

Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Smartphones

Hey everyone, sorry it’s been awhile.  I’ve been busy lately.  Anyway, today’s topic will be about smartphones.  I’m sure many of you have smartphones these days.  I mean, they’re so much better than dumbphones and everything.  Confession time: I don’t think I could deal with life without my smartphone.  It’s better than having to deal with people sometimes.  Anyway, enough about my life, here’s some stuff about smartphones.

1. Choose a Side and Choose Wisely – There are basically two major smartphone operating systems out there: IOS by Apple and Android by Google.  Now, I’m sure everyone knows this by now, but the two sides are like Coke and Pepsi or Mario and Sonic in that they’re bitter rivals.  Wait, what’s that?  Mario and Sonic competed in the Olympics together?  On more than one occasion?  What is this, I don’t even?  Anyway, the point is that the phone you pick is very important because odds are that you won’t getting another smart phone for a year or two.  Of course, there is Windows Phone, which is the RC Cola of the smartphone world, and I think there’s someone out there who still uses Blackberry, but that might just be an urban legend.
2. Angry Birds is a Must – One of the main features of smartphones is apps.  I’ll talk more about various apps a little later in the post, but right now I want to focus on one app in particular.  That’s right, I’m talking about Angry Birds.  If you haven’t played Angry Birds, then you’re probably Amish and aren’t reading this anyway.  For the rest of you, I’m sure you’re familiar with Angry Birds.  It’s pretty much available on every type of smartphone out there, as well as on Facebook.  There’s something about destroying flimsy structures that’s oddly satisfying.  Actually, I wish there was a real life version of Angry Birds without the birds and pigs and just me destroying flimsy buildings.  That would be so satisfying.
3. There’s an App for That – As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, one of the main features of smartphones is the ability to use apps.  If you’re using IOS or Andriod (or possibly Windows Phone), then odds are that there’s an app for anything you can think of.  There are the obvious apps for things like calendar, calculator, and phone, and there are apps for popular games such as Angry Birds, Cut the Rope, and that annoying Candy Crush Saga game that some of my Facebook friends keep inviting me to play.  Seriously, Candy Crush Saga seems to be the new Farmville, which I didn’t play either because of the annoying invites.  Anyway, not all smartphone apps are designed for productivity in mind.  Some apps allow users to do such things as make fart noises.  Isn’t that what technology is all about?  Sure you can use smartphones for important business and all, but fart noises are so much better.
4. You Must Keep Your Smartphone With You at all Times – What good is a smartphone if you can’t use it?  Exactly.  Smartphones are useful in passing the time at places like airports, waiting rooms, and restaurant dates.  What did we do before smartphones?  Read crappy old magazines?  Yeah, making fart noises with smartphones is much, much better.  If you’re really doing it right, then you should be using your smartphone while walking.  Don’t worry, the cars you’re walking in front of don’t mind.  If they give you the bird, that just means they’re jealous.
5. Smartphones can be Used as Phones – At least from what I hear.  I think that might just be an urban legend, though.

Well, that’s all I have for now.  Until next time, remember that the main purpose of smartphones is to make fart noises.  See ya later.

Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Facebook

So there’s this little known website called Facebook.com.  I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but it’s this cool social networking site that’s only available to certain colleges.  It’s the talk of those campuses!  Oh wait, this isn’t 2005 anymore.  Now Facebook is the number one non-Google site that has taken over the world.  It seems like everyone’s on Facebook, from grandparents to babies.  Damn that Mark Zuckerburg for taking what was a cool hangout spot on the internet and making it all lame by attracting parents and annoying little siblings to it.  For all you parents out there, if there’s something your teen likes that you disapprove of, the best way to get them to hate it is by you liking it.  Lets say your kids listens to Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber or John Phillip Sousa and you don’t like them listening to those musicians, then you start listening to those musicians when they’re around.  I guarantee they’ll move on to another pop singer that you disapprove of in no time flat.  Anyway, I’m having a hard time coming up with a clever segue, so here’s a bunch of crap about Facebook:

1. Facebook is the place to stalk everyone from high school – If you’re like me, you went to high school with hundreds if not thousands of people.  Now, in the past many people went their own separate ways after graduation, not keeping up with their former classmates until the 10th year reunion where everyone lied about their success.  With the invention of Facebook, you can friend people you barely knew in high school and see what they’re doing these days.  You can look at their Facebook profiles and see that the captain of the football team got a job flipping burgers at McDonald’s, the head cheerleader got a job flipping burgers at Burger King, and the really nerdy kid who was really into John Phillip Sousa got into Harvard, graduated at the top of his class, and then got a job flipping burgers at Wendy’s.  With that success Dr. John Zoidberg would be envious.
2. There is no such thing as TMI on Facebook – Just got totally wasted at the party?  Instant Facebook status.  Have hot and steamy sex with a hooker last night?  That’s perfect fodder for a status update.  Scratching your itchy balls?  Status update!  Just threw up in front of the President?  Then you make a game out of updating your status before you appear on the 5 o’clock news.  There’s no limit to the embarrassing stuff that you can put on Facebook.  If you are looking for a job, however, then those status updates can work against you in a court of job interview (and it does feel like going for a job interview is like going to court these days).
3. Poking is an art – While there have been several changes to Facebook over the years, one thing that has remained the same is the poke.  The poke was designed to be a not so subtle flirting technique, but there are far more applications to the poke than just flirting.  There’s also poke wars, where you repeatedly poke someone over and over again until they get tired and quit poking back.  Then you can declare victory.  Of course, some people don’t stop poking back, but instead write on your wall to stop poking them. When this happens, you must not stop poking them, as you’ve done pwned them. Poking them becomes even more fun, as you’re clearly annoying them.  Of course, all the fun and games of poking come to an end when the person you’re poking on Facebook pokes you in the eye with a fork in real life.
4. You must complain when Facebook changes its layout every 2.5 seconds – People tend to be resistant to change.  This is a common fact of life, yet someone at the Facebook headquarters in Dracula’s Castle apparently didn’t get that memo.  I’ve never seen a site change its layout as many times as Facebook has.  In fact, they seem to change their layout more often than some people change their underwear.  Every time Facebook changes its layout, thousands of its users complain, and every time the users’ complaints fall on Mark Zuckerburg’s deaf ears.  Maybe Facebook should stick with one layout for a while, maybe finishing this candy bar before starting another.
5. Facebook apps are designed to bother your friends – A few years ago, Facebook introduced apps.  Now, this seemed like a good idea at the time, but unfortunately they made it too easy to send app invites to all your friends.  What happens is that the friends get annoyed by all the spam and end up hating everything in life.  The worst of these spam apps are games.  Many of the more well-known games on Facebook end in -ville, such as Farmville, Yoville, Frontierville, Cityville, and Bothertheshitoutofyourfriendsville.  Oh how I hate Farmville.  I want to destroy all those virtual farms and curse the day that retched game was born.  Anyway, if it’s not games that’s the subject of app spam, then it’s the annoy surveys like “Which city do you belong in”, “Which Twilight character are you”, and “Which Facebook app annoys you the most”.  It’s a small wonder why I spend less time on Facebook these days.

Well, that’s Facebook in a nutshell.  There’s more to Facebook than what I’ve outlined here, but unwanted Farmville invites are annoying me too much for me to dive into more of Facebook’s features.  Until next time, remember to keep your damn Farmville invites to yourself!