Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Spring

Hey everyone, so I was going to write this post earlier this week, but then I thought my blog was going to shut down.  I worked hard to negotiate and making backroom deals to try to keep my blog from shutting down because I wanted my paycheck (even though I made up some bullshit about the people and all).  Well, a deal was reached at the 11th hour and I was able to keep my blog until the next threat, which will probably happen next year.  Until then, I am here to provide you the entertaining blogging I pretty much never do anyway.  Anyway, as you can tell, today’s lesson will be about spring.  Yes, it’s that time of year when the snow melts and the golf-ball size hail falls.  This is when the weather gets warm and people get out and play in the golf-ball size hail.  There’s a lot that I could write about spring, so I will do just that.  Roll that beautiful bean footage:

• Pollen gets everywhere – The worst part of spring is the pollen.  I think we all know what pollen looks like, but I’ll explain how it looks anyway.  Pollen is the yellow dust that gets on anything that’s outdoors and turns it yellow.  It doesn’t matter what colour your car usually is, it becomes yellow in the spring.  Now, this would only be a minor annoyance if the pollen didn’t flare up people’s allergies.  Oh how the allergies flare up this time of year  Being sick sucks, especially when the weather starts to get good.  It’s just not fair, dammit!  At least pollen season doesn’t last too long, which is a good thing.
• It’s time for America’s favourite past time – That’s right, it’s professional wrestling baseball season.  Yes, America’s favourite excuse for drinking beer is in full swing.  Whether you’re watching a little league game or the Bankees lose to a team with less money, you can sit back and crack open a cold one to drink away your boredom.  Of course, you could actually play the sport.  However, if you’re like me, you can’t hit the ball very well.  It wouldn’t matter if I could hit the ball because I’d be too busy texting a certain superheroine drinking beer, farting, and beating my chest in a manly fashion to make it to first base at a rapid pace.  Well, anyway here’s a song about baseball:

 

(hey, I actually got a song right for once!)

• Hate the weather?  Wait 5 minutes, it’ll change – This time of year is notorious for severe weather, such as thunderstorms, hail, tornadoes, and sometimes even blizzards.  It can be nice all day, but once the night starts the bad weather comes in like something that comes in fast.  What’s really fun is driving while the bad weather comes in.  There’s nothing like watching hail ping off of your car while you’re traveling down the road, and then the sun coming out making all the hail melt and turn into steam.  That was an interesting day.
• Spring Break forever! – Spring break is an annual American tradition where college students go to far away places to get drunk.  You see, it’s not enough to get drunk in your little town or college town.  No, you must go to the beach to do so.  Where I live, going to Florida is the thing to do during spring break.  I finally got to do that during my senior year of college (well, I also went to Florida for a band trip during the spring break of my junior year in high school, but that doesn’t really count), but I was so doped up on allergy medicine (thanks to me being allergic to dogs and staying at a place that had three indoor dogs) that I really couldn’t drink at all.  I did make it to Universal Orlando though, so it wasn’t a complete waste.
• Holidays – There are several holidays during the spring, such as Good Friday and Cinco de Mayo.  The most well known holiday during this season is Easter.  Easter is the celebration of Jesus rising from the dead, so of course it’s celebrated in the most appropriate manner, which is getting candy from rabbits and searching for eggs.  Easter always falls on a Sunday, but it’s not the same Sunday every year.  Sometimes it comes in March, but it mostly comes in April.  I have no idea why there’s no consistency in when Easter happens, but I think it’s just to mess with us.

Well, that’s all I have for today.  Until next time, remember to be good or the Easter Bunny won’t come down your chimney and leave money under your pillow.  Smell ya later!

Rob of the Sky’s Guide to April Fool’s Day

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve updated.  I’ve have a lot going on in my life right now, so I haven’t had time to update.  Sorry about that.  Anyway, For this day I have decided to make an epic post.  In fact, this post is so epic that I can’t contain it all here.  Thus, you will have to click on the link to see my epic April Fool’s Day post!

Click here for great justice!