Hello and welcome to another installment of Rob of the Sky’s WordPress site.  Today’s lesson will be about arguing politics on the internet.  Before the invention of the internet, arguing politics was limited to face-to-face interactions, with the occasional argument over the phone with Uncle Betty.  Family picnics were a breeding ground for political arguments, with everyone offering their opinions while munching on Aunt Jim’s killer burgers, so named not because they were super delicious or anything, but because they killed three people during the 4th of July picnic back in 1978.  With the invention of the internet comes political arguments with complete strangers.  No longer are political discussions limited to family events.  After a while, the political arguments on the internets tend to take a certain form.  So without further ado, I present a list of steps that you can use to argue with the best of ’em on the internet:

  1. Choose a side and stick with it. It is rather difficult to argue your opinion about a political subject when you have no opinion.  So pick a position and learn all about it.  There are two main positions: liberal and conservative.  There are sub groups within each side, and you could mix and match the two sides or come up with a completely different side all together, but for the sake of this guide, there are two sides.
  2. Start up a political blog, a political discussion on a message board, or write a political email. Once you got your opinions figured out, it is time to spread them to people who may or may not care.  Now, you may be worried that your opinions might not be too well researched.  However, you don’t have to know diddly squat about having reliable information or an informed opinion.  Anonymously written emails, overpaid political pundits, and Wikipedia are perfectly good sources to use when writing blogs, message board discussions, or emails.
  3. Say “I agree” to like-minded responders. These are true America-loving patriots who love freedom and puppies.
  4. Demonize those with opinions different from your own. These are America-hating terrorists who hate freedom and children.  It is your right, nay your duty, to insult these people who don’t agree with you.  Examples of insults that you can use include socialist, communist, racist, traitor, fascist, enemy lover, freedom hater, ignorant, bigot, and stinky poopy head.  Also, name dropping is a requirement.  There are certain people who you want on your side.  These people include Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr, Abraham Lincoln, all the founding fathers, Luke Skywalker, and the Doobie Brothers.  People you want the other side to have include Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin, Richard Nixon, Osama bin Laden, Darth Vader, and the Jonas Brothers.  Remember, it is only appropriate to get personal.
  5. Blame the main stream media for spreading the opponent’s opinions. The media hates people who think like you and give the ignorant people on the other side their opinion.  After all, the media has a liberal/conservative bias except for Fox News/MSNBC which are the only unbiased news sources.  The main stream media is the reason why all liberals/conservatives are ignorant about how things work in this country, and why only conservatives/liberals know how this nation works, much like the best president ever, Reagan/FDR.
  6. Get people to spread the word. If you are writing an email, ask the people who you send it to forward it to ten people who in turn should forward it to ten people.  If they don’t, the chain will break and no one will know the truth.  If you are on a blog, ask people to link to your blog for maximum exposure.  If you are here on WordPress, become a rec begZ0r.  Whatever, just get the word out.  Again, it is your duty.
  7. Rinse and repeat. Keep on spreading your opinions.

With these seven simple tips in mind, it won’t be long until you, yes you, can argue politics with the best of ’em.  So go, spread the word, have fun, and such.  Until next time, remember that the Doobie Brothers > the Jonas Brothers.