Hey everyone, sorry it’s been awhile.  I’ve been busy lately.  Anyway, today’s topic will be about smartphones.  I’m sure many of you have smartphones these days.  I mean, they’re so much better than dumbphones and everything.  Confession time: I don’t think I could deal with life without my smartphone.  It’s better than having to deal with people sometimes.  Anyway, enough about my life, here’s some stuff about smartphones.

  1. Choose a Side and Choose Wisely – There are basically two major smartphone operating systems out there: IOS by Apple and Android by Google.  Now, I’m sure everyone knows this by now, but the two sides are like Coke and Pepsi or Mario and Sonic in that they’re bitter rivals.  Wait, what’s that?  Mario and Sonic competed in the Olympics together?  On more than one occasion?  What is this, I don’t even?  Anyway, the point is that the phone you pick is very important because odds are that you won’t getting another smart phone for a year or two.  Of course, there is Windows Phone, which is the RC Cola of the smartphone world, and I think there’s someone out there who still uses Blackberry, but that might just be an urban legend.
  2. Angry Birds is a Must – One of the main features of smartphones is apps.  I’ll talk more about various apps a little later in the post, but right now I want to focus on one app in particular.  That’s right, I’m talking about Angry Birds.  If you haven’t played Angry Birds, then you’re probably Amish and aren’t reading this anyway.  For the rest of you, I’m sure you’re familiar with Angry Birds.  It’s pretty much available on every type of smartphone out there, as well as on Facebook.  There’s something about destroying flimsy structures that’s oddly satisfying.  Actually, I wish there was a real life version of Angry Birds without the birds and pigs and just me destroying flimsy buildings.  That would be so satisfying.
  3. There’s an App for That – As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, one of the main features of smartphones is the ability to use apps.  If you’re using IOS or Andriod (or possibly Windows Phone), then odds are that there’s an app for anything you can think of.  There are the obvious apps for things like calendar, calculator, and phone, and there are apps for popular games such as Angry Birds, Cut the Rope, and that annoying Candy Crush Saga game that some of my Facebook friends keep inviting me to play.  Seriously, Candy Crush Saga seems to be the new Farmville, which I didn’t play either because of the annoying invites.  Anyway, not all smartphone apps are designed for productivity in mind.  Some apps allow users to do such things as make fart noises.  Isn’t that what technology is all about?  Sure you can use smartphones for important business and all, but fart noises are so much better.
  4. You Must Keep Your Smartphone With You at all Times – What good is a smartphone if you can’t use it?  Exactly.  Smartphones are useful in passing the time at places like airports, waiting rooms, and restaurant dates.  What did we do before smartphones?  Read crappy old magazines?  Yeah, making fart noises with smartphones is much, much better.  If you’re really doing it right, then you should be using your smartphone while walking.  Don’t worry, the cars you’re walking in front of don’t mind.  If they give you the bird, that just means they’re jealous.
  5. Smartphones can be Used as Phones – At least from what I hear.  I think that might just be an urban legend, though.

Well, that’s all I have for now.  Until next time, remember that the main purpose of smartphones is to make fart noises.  See ya later.

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