So it’s been awhile since I’ve posted.  I’m sorry.  Actually, I’m not really all that sorry at all.  Anyway, today’s lesson will be about getting women.  Let me ask you a question: are you a loser?  The correct answer is yes, you are.  So was I at one point in time.  I was doing nothing to show that I liked the girls, then would be jealous of the assholes who would date them.  You know the ones I’m talking about, the assholes who talk to women and junk.  So I devised a technique that would guarantee that you, yes you, would get the girl of your dreams.  If you follow the steps below, you will get the girl.  I guarantee it, which is something that The Men’s Warehouse can’t even do anymore.  You may be wondering why I’m helping you when I can have all the women to myself.  Well, I want to share the wealth and am in no way intending to charge you bundles of money for my advanced techniqu…wait, forget I mentioned that last part.  Anyway, here are the steps to take to become less of a loser and more of a winner:

  1. To be the man, just declare yourself so – Of course, you’ll need to get the terminology right.  For instance, the term for The Man is alpha male.  Now, you may remember the term alpha male from biology class, but if you don’t, the alpha male is that one male in the herd that all the females want.  Now, yours truly is an alpha male.  He is also a beta male, delta male, pi male, and phi male.  However, I’m still working on being a sigma male and gamma male.  Anyway, all you have to do to be an alpha male is say that you’re an alpha male.  Heck, just keep saying it to everyone you meet and you might just get the women you want with this step alone.  However, you should use the rest of the steps, such as…
  2. Women are Stupid, Throw Insults at em – Something that you may not have learned in biology class is that women are stupider than men.  It’s scientific fact that I did not just make up to make me sound smarter than I am.  Nope, it’s true.  Men are smarter.  This of course means that you can’t treat women like you would treat other men.  What do you think they are, people?  Anyway, women don’t respond to reason like men do.  Instead, they respond well to insults.  Yes, when you meet a woman who you’d like to have, you should insult her, especially about her looks and weight.  Now, she may act like she’s offended by your insults, but that’s just one of those games women play.  She secretly enjoys it, but she can’t let you know that because she likes the chase.  Now, you may have heard from women and inferior beta males that you should compliment women instead.  That doesn’t work because women hear compliments all the time and are thus immune by them.
  3. State Your Demands Early and Often – Now lets say you’re at a bar and you’re thirsty from a long day of doing manly things such as lifting, working out, or playing Pokemon cards.  You see a girl you like, so what do you do?  Odds are, you’ll say buy her a drink too.  Well, isn’t that cute?  BUT IT’S WRONG!!!!!!!  No, you demand that she buys you a drink.  This shows that you’re a true alpha male who gets what he wants when he wants and um…why he wants, or something like that.  Besides, if you buy her a drink, then she’ll expect that you’ll buy her flowers and jewelry and something off of the Dollar Menu at McDonald’s and then you’ll be broke in no time flat.  This way, you’ll have a refreshing drink and all your money.  Everyone who matters is happy.  This technique also works once you have that woman of your dreams.  If you’re hungry, you should yell to her in the kitchen (which is where she is to be at all times because it’s her place) to make you a sandwich.  Sure, you could slap together some meat in between two pieces of bread, but that’s hard work and women are made to do that anyway.
  4. Trash Talk Women in General – There’s nothing women love more than when you put down their whole gender.  Yes, you should air all your grievances about all women to every woman you meet.  Remember, women are the cause to all of your misery in life.  Get rejected by a women in your past?  It was her fault for not see how much of a nice guy you were.  Woman claimed you raped her?  She’s probably just trying to file a fake rape report and will claim that she said no several times (which really means that she just really wanted it).  Candy bar got stuck in the vending machine at work?  Well, that probably has little to do with women and more to do with a faulty vending machine.  Still, you can blame women for that $1.25 that you lost anyway.
  5. All Women Want You all the Time – As I mentioned earlier, women like to play games.  They may not act like they’re interested in you, but they totally are because you’re an alpha male, dawg.  Did I really just type that?  Anyway, sure she may say no or try to push you away or mace you medieval style, but she’s simply playing hard to get.  She wants to be with you, but she wants you to earn it.  So keep on keeping on, and you’ll have her in no time.  Remember, restraining orders just mean you have to work even hard to get her.

So, that’s my technique.  It should work, because it’s supposed to work 100% of the time without exception.  However, if it doesn’t, than you can order my completely affordable Advanced Pick-Up Program.  For the low, low price of 12 moderately difficult payments of $26.47, you’ll get:

  • A dictionary of all of the pick-up terms you’ll need to know
  • A list of pick-up lines that are guaranteed to get any woman ever with just a few words
  • A series of videos staring yours truly using his technique so that you can follow along
  • A random Pokemon card.  This has nothing to do with getting women, I just have too many of these in my basement
  • And the confidence to know that you’ll be able to get the women of your dreams

So what are you waiting for?  Go out and pick up women today.  Until next time, remember that I’m not responsible for anything bad that happens to you if you use my technique.  Peace out.