Hey everyone, hope you’re all doing alright in bloggy land.  You’ll never believe what happened to me!  Do I have you hooked yet?  Well, you’ll find out what happened to me at the end of the post.  Until then, I’m going to talk about clickbait.  If you’ve ever spent more than five seconds on the internet, you’ve seen headlines that hook you into craptacular articles.  According to the person in charge of the internet, this is called clickbait.  Seems like clickbait has infested Facebook recently with links to crappy sites like Buzzfeed, Upworthy, and Facebook.  It seems like clickbait takes a few forms, like so:

  • You won’t believe what happens next – This seems to be the only way people ever get to Upworthy.  Usually, someone will post an article that starts out with an innocent sentence like “this blind homeless veteran lost his pet dog” followed by those 6 overused words.  You are supposed to click the link to find out the answer, but who the hell cares anymore?  Seriously, does anyone still click on these links?  We all know that the homeless vet is going to find his dog.  The end.
  • Which X are you – This is common on Facebook.  You’ll see links like “which Harry Potter character are you” or “Which Beatle are you” or “Which solar system do you belong in” plastered all over the newsfeed.  Technically, nobody that I’m friends with is any of these things at all.  Most of us are just average joes who don’t have lives interesting enough to ever be part of these quizzes.  Besides, they aren’t really an original idea.  Back when I first did Xanga (back in 2005), people took similar quizzes on some possibly defunct website and posted the results on their Xanga site.  Buzzfeed just ripped it off.  At least people on Xanga these days don’t post Buzzfeed quizzes, but that’s because Xanga is basically a pay site these days anyway with fools who paid $48 a year to do what I’m doing on here and have done on there for many years for free.  Anyway, it’s not like Buzzfeed is all that original anyway…
  • X number of things only y group gets – This is another Buzzfeed thing.  Such titles include “25 things only 90z kidz will understand” or “10 things only cashiers will get” or “68 things only people who attended Idaho Falls High School in Idaho Falls, Idaho will know about”.  The problem is that these lists are usually just pics with a sentence or two about each pic.  They really don’t have much in the way of content or depth.  Not to mention that these lists appeal to an audience that’s either way too broad (like pretty much the 90s kidz one, as one would hope that most people above the age of 20 would remember the 90s) or too narrow (like limited to a certain city or school).  The thing is list sites can have a bit of content and still work, like Cracked.  Also, this site exists too.
  • Group X hates him! – This is probably more spammish than it is clickbait, but I still consider it clickbait.  Usually found on the side of Facebook in the ads, this will be a link that will be like “Economists hate him” or “Doctors hate him” or “Pedophiles hate him” (in the last case, they’re talking about Chris Hansen).  The idea is that someone will have discovered a major, groundbreaking secret to things like making money, losing weight, and beating the Water Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, that will make you life easier and bankrupt those who profit off of what you couldn’t do before.  110% of the time, this is complete crap.  Oh, and the Group X in the bullet point should not be confused with these guys.
  • Has the cure for [insert medical malady] just been found? – No.  No it hasn’t

Well, that’s all I have for now.  Oh, and nothing happened to me.  I just wanted to hook you in so that you’d read my post.  I’m not sorry about that at all.  Anyway, until next time, remember that Buzzfeed hates Rob of the Sky.

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