Ahoy mateys!  As you can see, my entry will be dealing with becoming a pirate.  Since it’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I was thinking “what’s better than talking like a pirate?”  Being an actual pirate!  So without further ado, here’s Rob of the Sky’s guide to being a pirate:

  1. To be a pirate, an internet connection is a requirement.  It’s not easy being a pirate with teh internets.  So go ahead and leach off your neighbor’s wi-fi connection.  Just remember that you didn’t hear that last sentence from me.
  2. You got internets?  Good, now you will need to download a torrent program.  Torrent program allow you to download good stuff like spyware, music, spyware, movies, spyware, games, spyware, porn, spyware, secret government documents, spyware, and adware.  Just remember you didn’t hear this from me.
  3. Now you need to download the torrents.  Torrents are the actual files themselves.  Usually, torrents include entire cd’s, which makes piracy easier.  Keep remembering that you didn’t hear this from me
  4. What you do at this point depends on what media you are pirating.  If you are making bootlegged cd’s or dvd’s, you’ll need blank cd’s or dvd’s and a disc drive that lets you write cd’s and/or dvd’s.  Just insert the blank disc into your disc drive, open your favourite media player (Winamp), and click on the place where you can record the cd of dvd.  Again, nothing from here you heard from me.
  5. If you are pirating video games, you’ll need to buy a bunch of crappy 3rd party Nintendo 64 controllers and somehow put the games in the controller.  You’ll probably need a special device for this.  Also, you didn’t hear it from me.
  6. Find a place to sell you warez.  A good place to sell warez is the flea market, as anyone can sell anything there.  People will quite literally sell their garbage at flea markets.  Another place to sell pirated goods is eBay, which is pretty much the flea market of the internets.  If you are a really savvy pirate, you can sell at the mall in one of those stands that’s in the middle of the corridors.  The pirates who sell in malls usually sell the pirated “game system” that advertises over 10,000 games on one controller, only for the suckers who buy it to realize that there are only like 10 games on the controller and the rest of the games are various language variations.  Now I must say that you didn’t hear any of this stuff from me.

Well, I hope this guide was helpful to all those would-be pirates out there.  Shut up, it is a good guide.  Until next time remember that I cannot be held liable if any of this information gets you in trouble with the law.