Tag Archive: monster mash


Well, it’s already Monday in my particular area. This particular Monday is unusual though because it’s Presidents’ Day. Yes, it’s that special day where…um…the government and the banks don’t operate because MLK Day was over a month ago and the next major holiday is like Good Friday. Besides Presidents’ Day is better than Valentine’s Day. Think about it, how often did you have Valentine’s Day off of school? Only if it fell on the weekend. Now, how often did you get Presidents’ Day off? I rest my case. Anyway, there are a few things to say about Presidents’ Day, and they are so:

1. Presidents’ Day is more that just an excuse to get out of school – Ok, I’m a filthy liar. So sue me.
2. It’s also the day where we celebrate men like Millard, Ulysses, Rutherford, Grover, Teddy, Woodrow, Lyndon and Barack – Our president’s sure have had some weird names.
3. Umm…You don’t have to worry about checking the mail that day – That’s got to count for something. Right?

Well, that’s all I have for my guide to Presidents’ Day, except for the music. So sit back and enjoy this great Presidents’ Day tune:

(I’m not good at picking out presidential songs.)

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So the 14th of February is approaching rapidly.  You know what that means?  That’s right, the Super Bowl is over.  Oh, and a little holiday called Valentine’s Day is coming up.  It’s that day of the year where guys give their sweethearts chocolate, flowers, and jewelry so that they get laid in return.  Also, it’s the day where people who aren’t getting laid have to be reminded of this fact every 3.5 seconds.  Anyway, I have decided to make this guide even though I’ve had little experience in this dating thing.  Of course, having little experience has never stopped me before.  Anyway, here’s my guide to Valentine’s Day:

  • First thing’s first: overpriced crap is the name of the game – Many people complain that this is a Hallmark holiday, and well they’re right.  With all the things that are sold during this holiday, like chocolates, flowers, cards, alcohol, and condoms, people might forget the reason for the season which is…um…let me get back to you on that.
  • Kids shall give everyone in their class a Valentine – I remember when I was in school we had to give everyone a Valentine, which was little more than pointless busy work.  I mean, we had to write the name and seal in the envelope 30 or so Valentines and then we had to make a paper mailbox the next day to place the Valentines.  It’s all a load of crap.  At least there was usually a party on V-day, so that was fun.
  • Remember to use protection – Appropriately, the section following elementary school antics will be about safe sex.  We all know that Valentine’s Day was designed for people to get laid.  I mean, what other reason could Valentine’s Day exist?  Exactly.  Now, if you don’t want another family member come November, then you should practice safe sex by using whatever birth control you like to use.  Remember, condoms are your friends.
  • Thou shalt wear pink and red – Since the human heart tends to be a reddish colour in textbook diagrams, red would be an appropriate colour for Valentine’s Day.  As for Pink, well it tends to be a stereotypical girl colour and a lot of girls like Valentine’s Day, so pink is also a colour that appears on the overpriced crap that the store sell this time of year.
  • Romantic music is a must – There are thousands of love songs out there.  It shouldn’t be too hard to pick one out for your sweetheart.  Here’s my choice for a romantic song:
    (I’m not too good at picking out romantic songs)

    Well, that’s my guide to Valentine’s Day.  Until next time, remember that the dog house is no place to spend Valentine’s Day.  Have a good Valentine’s Day!