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Well, it’s been a while since I’ve updated.  I’ve have a lot going on in my life right now, so I haven’t had time to update.  Sorry about that.  Anyway, For this day I have decided to make an epic post.  In fact, this post is so epic that I can’t contain it all here.  Thus, you will have to click on the link to see my epic April Fool’s Day post!

Click here for great justice!

Today I went to the grocery store to get a card for my dad’s birthday. One of the things I noticed is that there are now greeting cards for St. Patrick’s Day. This inspired me to write about greeting cards, so I did. I think everyone has bought and received greeting cards in their lifetimes. Whether it’s for a birthday, a graduation, the death of a loved one, or an overly commercialized holiday, greeting cards are always present in life. Now, something I’ve noticed is how boring greeting cards tend to be. Many of them say the same things like “happy birthday” or “sorry for your loss”. If I were in charge of the world, I would soup up the greeting card industry by creating greeting cards the world has never seen. Some of the greeting cards I would create would be the following (note: the red text would be the inside of the cards):

So you’ve recently lost a loved one…
Here’s to hoping they left you plenty of money in the will!

Sorry I missed your birthday…
But those 8 months were really busy.

Congratulations for graduating high school…
If someone as dumb as you can do that, the public school system is a joke.

Happy Father’s Day…
P.S. I need money.

Happy Valentines Day…
I can’t wait for the amazing sex we’re having tonight.

Congratulations for 15 years of working at the company…
By the way, clear out your desk, you’re fired.

Seasons greetings…
And stay far, far away from granny’s fruitcake.

Just thinking of you…
Where’s that money you owe me?

Happy Leif Erikson Day…
Hey, the greeting card company needs money too.

Yep, my ideas would totally make the greeting card industry more interesting. If anyone from Hallmark is reading this, I am available for hire. So until next time, remember to stay far, far away from granny’s fruitcake.

So the other day I went to McDonald’s to get supper.  Since I was getting food for a few people, I went through the drive-thru, which took way longer than it should have.  Ah yes, the drive-thru, proof that man has run out of good ideas and is just throwing shit on the wall to try to see what sticks.  I wonder who came up with the drive-thru.  I could imagine the inventor of the drive-thru being like “I’m too lazy to leave my car to walk into the McDonald’s.  I think I’ll invent a way to make it so people like me can get food without leaving the car”.  Thus the drive-thru was born.  Now, imagine you are at a drive-thru.  How does the process go?  You pull up to the drive-thru and you hear robot or what sounds like a robot asking if he/she/it can take your order.  So you would order something like a number 6 with no mayo, mustard, or peanut butter.  Isn’t great to live in a nation where you can order food by number?  We don’t even have to use words like hamburger, taco, fried chicken, or escargot anymore.  God bless America.  So anyway, you place your order and the robot thingie tells you your total.  However, these machines are programmed so that there is always static when the time to tell you your total comes.  It never fails.  However, the machine is clear as day when they ask if you want to try something you didn’t order to begin with, usually an apple pie.  If I wanted an apple pie, I would’ve ordered an apple pie.  I wonder if the managers of these fast food joints threaten to withhold the paychecks of their employees unless they ask everybody if they want an apple pie?  So anyway, you make it to the little window where you hand the money over to the restaurant and they short change you.  Then, you go to the window where you receive your food.  So you finally got your food and you look in the bag and see that instead of getting the number six that you ordered, you got the manager’s hat.  So you get out of the car and go into the restaurant, defeating the whole purpose of the drive-thru.  So much for that invention.  Anyway, you go up to the minimum wage worker and you explain to him or her that you ordered food and got a hat instead.  So they finally, finally give you your proper order and offer an apple pie.  Well, that’s all I have for today.  Until next time, I’m going to McDonald’s and try to order a hamburger without ham.  Oh, and no post about the drive-thru is complete without that Weird Al Yankovic hit “Trapped in the Drive Thru”.

Well, it’s already Monday in my particular area. This particular Monday is unusual though because it’s Presidents’ Day. Yes, it’s that special day where…um…the government and the banks don’t operate because MLK Day was over a month ago and the next major holiday is like Good Friday. Besides Presidents’ Day is better than Valentine’s Day. Think about it, how often did you have Valentine’s Day off of school? Only if it fell on the weekend. Now, how often did you get Presidents’ Day off? I rest my case. Anyway, there are a few things to say about Presidents’ Day, and they are so:

1. Presidents’ Day is more that just an excuse to get out of school – Ok, I’m a filthy liar. So sue me.
2. It’s also the day where we celebrate men like Millard, Ulysses, Rutherford, Grover, Teddy, Woodrow, Lyndon and Barack – Our president’s sure have had some weird names.
3. Umm…You don’t have to worry about checking the mail that day – That’s got to count for something. Right?

Well, that’s all I have for my guide to Presidents’ Day, except for the music. So sit back and enjoy this great Presidents’ Day tune:

(I’m not good at picking out presidential songs.)

So the 14th of February is approaching rapidly.  You know what that means?  That’s right, the Super Bowl is over.  Oh, and a little holiday called Valentine’s Day is coming up.  It’s that day of the year where guys give their sweethearts chocolate, flowers, and jewelry so that they get laid in return.  Also, it’s the day where people who aren’t getting laid have to be reminded of this fact every 3.5 seconds.  Anyway, I have decided to make this guide even though I’ve had little experience in this dating thing.  Of course, having little experience has never stopped me before.  Anyway, here’s my guide to Valentine’s Day:

  • First thing’s first: overpriced crap is the name of the game – Many people complain that this is a Hallmark holiday, and well they’re right.  With all the things that are sold during this holiday, like chocolates, flowers, cards, alcohol, and condoms, people might forget the reason for the season which is…um…let me get back to you on that.
  • Kids shall give everyone in their class a Valentine – I remember when I was in school we had to give everyone a Valentine, which was little more than pointless busy work.  I mean, we had to write the name and seal in the envelope 30 or so Valentines and then we had to make a paper mailbox the next day to place the Valentines.  It’s all a load of crap.  At least there was usually a party on V-day, so that was fun.
  • Remember to use protection – Appropriately, the section following elementary school antics will be about safe sex.  We all know that Valentine’s Day was designed for people to get laid.  I mean, what other reason could Valentine’s Day exist?  Exactly.  Now, if you don’t want another family member come November, then you should practice safe sex by using whatever birth control you like to use.  Remember, condoms are your friends.
  • Thou shalt wear pink and red – Since the human heart tends to be a reddish colour in textbook diagrams, red would be an appropriate colour for Valentine’s Day.  As for Pink, well it tends to be a stereotypical girl colour and a lot of girls like Valentine’s Day, so pink is also a colour that appears on the overpriced crap that the store sell this time of year.
  • Romantic music is a must – There are thousands of love songs out there.  It shouldn’t be too hard to pick one out for your sweetheart.  Here’s my choice for a romantic song:
    (I’m not too good at picking out romantic songs)

    Well, that’s my guide to Valentine’s Day.  Until next time, remember that the dog house is no place to spend Valentine’s Day.  Have a good Valentine’s Day!

Well, it’s the entry you all have been waiting for.  That’s right, it’s the semi-exciting conclusion to my guide to Vegas.  As you may recall, part one of Rob of the Sky’s guide to Vegas dealt solely with gambling.  Given the popularity of part one, I decided to go ahead and do part two.  Actually, that was a lie.  Part one was my least popular post on here to date.  Anyway, without further ado, here’s part two of Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Vegas:

While gambling may be the main draw to Vegas, there is so much more that Vegas has to offer.  Buffets, shows, roller coasters, and hookers are just some of the things that make the Vegas experience complete.  There’s no way I could cover it all, but I’ll try anyway, like so:

  • Scenery – The Vegas strip contains giant casinos that take the shape of various world landmarks, including a giant pyramid, a castle, and the skylines of New York and Paris, among others. This is a way to see the world if actually seeing the world is too damn expensive and Wikipedia just doesn’t cut it.
  • Shows – What better way to stay in the air conditioning than watching one of various shows that Vegas has to offer.  There are many different shows there.  The most common are magic shows.  These shows offer magicians doing trick using white tigers.  Apparently white tigers are the most magical animal ever, or at least more magical than their orange counterparts.  Another common type of shows are the shows involving washed-up music superstars.  This is where the pop idols of the ’50’s and ’60’s (and sometimes ’70’s) go to finish their careers.  Mostly old ladies and myself go to shows like these.  Another type of show that I like to go to is the shows that feature stand-up comedians.  Generally these comedians are relatively unknown, though sometimes well-known comedians appear in Vegas (at higher prices, of course).
  • Alcohol – I alluded to this subject during part one, and for good reasons.  Alcohol is the water of Vegas.  It’s everywhere.  If you are a teetotaler, you might have a bit of a problem in Vegas, as it seems like everyone offers you alcohol.  You can’t go too far in Vegas without seeing someone drinking.  One word of advise: try to limit the drinking while gambling, else you might spend your life’s saving in one sitting.
  • Buffets – What better way to eat that to load up your plate while standing in line?  Now, I got to admit that I got my fill of buffets while in college, as the cafeteria was buffet style.  Still, buffets are a major part of Vegas, as most casinos contain at least one buffet restaurant.  So you might as well make the most of it.  Besides, most buffets offer free refills, which can be a godsend in the desert.  And what goes better with buffets than…
  • Roller Coasters –  Now, Vegas doesn’t have the Hulk Roller Coaster or anything of that caliber.  The roller coasters there may be overpriced.  They might not have a variety of coasters.  Still, riding roller coasters can be a fun way to spend the day in Vegas, especially if you are underage.  My favorite coasters there involves paying a slightly higher fee to ride all day.  And ride all day I do.  Unless I fall off one of the coasters, then I get to go to the…
  • Emergency Room – Where you go if you have too much fun in Vegas.  Well, either the emergency room or jail.
  • Wedding Chapels – Have you ever wanted to have a big wedding where all of your family and friends are there watching you and subsequently have a huge reception where all of the families and friends dance to the music?  If not, than the chapels of Vegas may be for you.  Who makes a better minister than Elvis?  Exactly.  He also provides great music, which makes weddings fun!
  • Sex – You can score in more than one way in Vegas.  Like gambling and alcohol, sex is a way of life in Vegas.  There are so many ways to become aroused in Vegas that it isn’t funny.  Don’t have a partner?  Well, if you don’t mind risking catching STD’s, you can hire a hooker.  Hookers are all over Las Vegas, and unlike other places, they tend to be in lighted areas.  That makes it easier for you to shop around so that you find that right fit.

Well, I hoped you enjoyed this guide to Vegas.  Until next time, remember to properly restrain yourselves while riding roller coasters.

Welcome all to another edition of Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Crap! The next two entries will deal with the land of gambling, booze, and hookers: Las Vegas! The first part will deal with the gambling aspect of Vegas while the second part will deal with the other stuff like buffets, roller coasters, shows, and people who like to show their moneymakers. So without further ado, here comes part one of Rob of the Sky’s guide to Vegas.

Gambling is a way of life in Las Vegas. there are sooooo many slot machines there that it’s overwhelming. The slot machines aren’t limited to casinos either. There are slot machines in places like the airport or the pharmacy. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were gambling opportunities at the McDonalds’ there. Anyway, while gambling may be all over the place in Vegas, the main action is found in the casinos. There are many different types of gambling opportunities at the major casinos in Vegas. Of course, this blog would not be complete without me making fun of the various ways that you can lose your money in Vegas. So for your entertainment, here are the various forms of gambling in Vegas:

* Slot Machines – These are the primary form of gambling in Vegas. They come in all different sizes, forms, and prices. Yet one thing they have in common is that they take your money. Here’s how the typical slot machine works: you drop a coin in the machine and pull the lever or press the button. The reels turn and when they’re done, you get nothing back. So you stick another coin in the machine, pull the handle, watch the reels spin, and get nothing back. Repeat for several hours. Now, some people apparently do get some money back from the slot machines. In fact, there are giant cups to keep your coins in if you win. If you keep losing, you can put your beer in the giant cups. There are also slot machines which emulate 5-card draw. For these machines, you actually get a choice as to which cyber card to keep. Yet, it doesn’t really matter because you still lose. Now, you can pick which machine to play. as you really can’t go anywhere in Vegas without passing by hundreds of slot machines. Going to a show? Just past the slot machines. Trying to ride a roller coaster? You must pass through the jungle of slot machines. Got to urinate? Why not play one of the million of slot machines on the way to the restroom. Trying to get to Utah? Hope you don’t get lost in the slot machines. The irony is that those under 21 are not allowed in the casino, yet they got to go through the casino to get anywhere they can be, like the roller coaster.

* Roulette – This is another way to see your bank account dwindle. You can make several bets in roulette. You can bet on a particular number, where the odds are really not in your favor. You can increase your odds by betting on rows or columns. You can really increase your odds by betting on color (red or black), odd or even, or low (1-18) or high (19-36). Yet, it doesn’t really matter where you place your bet because that little ball that the casino worker throws onto the wheel seems to land on a space that you didn’t bet on. Yet, you go back, Jack, do it again. Wheel turning round and round.

* Craps – This game is crappy. That was lame. Anyway, I’m thoroughly convinced that you must have a Ph. D in Mathematics to understand craps. The playing board for craps seems so complex that I wouldn’t know where to begin to bet. The best strategy seems to place a bet at random and hope that it was a good one.

* The Spinning Wheel that Looks Like the Wheel off of Wheel of Fortune but Smaller and Mounted Vertically as Opposed to Horizontally – I have no idea what this game is called, but it is a simple game. All you have to do is put a certain amount of money up as a bet and let the casino worker work his mojo on the wheel. Some of the spaces on the wheel allow your money to multiply. Obviously, these spaces are smaller, with the higher amounts being smaller in area than the lower amounts. That’s about it. Oh, and of course you can lose your money here as well.

* Table Games – These are various card games where you can play against the house. The house of course being the casino. There are several types of these table games, yet the most popular is Blackjack. You could actually do well by playing Blackjack if you know the basic strategies, like not hitting on 21 or not staying on 4. Also, it helps if you get a casino worker who doesn’t know the rules of the game and ends up getting 48, thereby busting by a mile. It is proper to tip the casino worker, however, so your profits may be smaller than expected.

* Poker – Unlike other table games, in poker you compete with other casino patrons. Here is your chance to show off your acting skills by trying to bluff the other people that you have something great when in really you have crap. To be successful in poker, you must be void of all emotion. Any emotion shown on your face is a dead give away that you’re bluffing. Also, you could be like the guys on t.v. and wear shades. It’s your call. Just remember that you can’t fool all the people all the time.

* Sports Betting – Boring.

* The Arcade – When you are tired of losing your money of games that require little skill, you can go to the casino arcade to play games of skill. You can even win tokens playing games like Skee-Ball. The sad thing is you are probably more likely to win a prize in the arcade than in the casino.

Well, I hoped you enjoy my guide to Vegas. Just remember to stay tuned to part two of the guide right here on Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Crap!

Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Commercials

One of the most apparent part of our society is commercials.  It seems like commercials are everywhere.  On television, billboards, buses, movie theaters, ballparks, and even teh internets, one can find commercials advertising for unnecessary crap to spend our disposable income.  Like most people, I am annoyed by the constant bombardment of advertisement that plagues our society.  I dream of a day where I can watch t.v. without commercials.  Unfortunately, I’m not rich enough to afford TIVO or channels like HBO, and am not sophisticated enough to enjoy PBS, so I’m stuck with commercials.  The annoying thing about commercials is that they are loud and repetitive.  They also tend to be similar to one another and high in sound volume.  The most annoying commercials are the ones that try to sell some miracle new household product in a obnoxiously loud voice, like so:

ARE YOU CURRENTLY ON FIRE?  WHY, YOU ARE JUST IN LUCK AS MIRACLE PRODUCT INC. HAS INTRODUCED A NEW PRODUCT CALL DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE.  DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE IS INCREDIBLY EASY TO USE.  JUST OPEN THE BOTTLE OF DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE AND POUR IT ALL OVER YOU BODY TO PUT OUT THE FIRE.  DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE REGULARLY SELLS FOR $29.99 A BOTTLE, BUT CALL NOW TO RECEIVE YOUR BOTTLE OF DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE FOR ONLY $19.99.  YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO PASS UP A DEAL LIKE THAT.  BUT ORDER IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES AND YOU’LL RECEIVE DOUBLE THE ORDER.  THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GET TWO BOTTLES OF DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF $19.99.  DON’T DELAY, CALL TODAY!

These type of commercials are the reason why the mute button exists.  Actually, I have no idea why the mute button exists.  Regardless, the mute button is still important in shutting up loudmouths on commercials.  Another type of commercial that is very annoying is the prescription drug commercials.  Too many of these commercials are on television.  These commercials convince people that they have diseases like acid reflux, restless leg syndrome, or erectile dysfunction.  An example of a prescription drug commercial is like so:

Are you very hot?  Do you currently feel pain?  Do children run up to you holding marshmallows or hot dogs on the end of a stick?  If you are experiencing any or all of these symptoms, then you are probably on fire.  However, there is treatment for this disease with Firegone.  Firegone is a once-daily pill that can relieve you of you pyro situation.  You should ask your doctor if Firegone is right for you.  Side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, salmonella, bladder cancer, AIDS and/or death.  Women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant should not take Firegone.  So what are you waiting for?  Take Firegone today and start living a cooler life.

Another type of commercial that I find annoying is the car insurance commercial.  What’s with the geckos and cavemen selling car insurance.  Why do cavemen need car insurance anyway?  Cavemen don’t know how to drive.  Oh yeah, I just insulted cavemen.  Any hate mail can be sent here.  Anyway, Here would be an example of a car insurance commercial:

Announcer Dood: Switching to Geico is so easy a man on fire can do it.
Man on Fire: I resent that.  We are people too, ya know
Announcer Dood: Oh, sorry.  Geico: 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.

Now, I don’t find all commercials annoying.  I do like movie trailer.  I especially liked it when the late Don LaFontaine would do a commercial like so:

In a world where people are not pyro inclined, one man gets himself on fire.  The late Jim Varney stars in Ernest is on Fire.  This time, Ernest is not in prison or saving Christmas.  Coming summer 2011.

Finally, I must admit that I do like commercials about video games.  There’s just something about them that I like.  I guess it’s because I like video games.  Anyway, an example of a video game commercial is like so:

Giant Hand: HEY!!! YOU LOOK LIKE A REAL JERK!!!
Dood: Well, I am on fire.
Giant Hand: SO WHATCHA DOIN’?
Dood: Well, I’m picking my order of Dihydrogen Monoxide
Giant Hand: OH NO YOU AIN’T!!!  YOU’RE GONNA PLAY POLE POSITION!!!

Well, I hope you enjoyed this installment of this WordPress doohickey.  Until next time, remember that 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.  As if you cared.

Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Facebook

So there’s this little known website called Facebook.com.  I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but it’s this cool social networking site that’s only available to certain colleges.  It’s the talk of those campuses!  Oh wait, this isn’t 2005 anymore.  Now Facebook is the number one non-Google site that has taken over the world.  It seems like everyone’s on Facebook, from grandparents to babies.  Damn that Mark Zuckerburg for taking what was a cool hangout spot on the internet and making it all lame by attracting parents and annoying little siblings to it.  For all you parents out there, if there’s something your teen likes that you disapprove of, the best way to get them to hate it is by you liking it.  Lets say your kids listens to Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber or John Phillip Sousa and you don’t like them listening to those musicians, then you start listening to those musicians when they’re around.  I guarantee they’ll move on to another pop singer that you disapprove of in no time flat.  Anyway, I’m having a hard time coming up with a clever segue, so here’s a bunch of crap about Facebook:

  1. Facebook is the place to stalk everyone from high school – If you’re like me, you went to high school with hundreds if not thousands of people.  Now, in the past many people went their own separate ways after graduation, not keeping up with their former classmates until the 10th year reunion where everyone lied about their success.  With the invention of Facebook, you can friend people you barely knew in high school and see what they’re doing these days.  You can look at their Facebook profiles and see that the captain of the football team got a job flipping burgers at McDonald’s, the head cheerleader got a job flipping burgers at Burger King, and the really nerdy kid who was really into John Phillip Sousa got into Harvard, graduated at the top of his class, and then got a job flipping burgers at Wendy’s.  With that success Dr. John Zoidberg would be envious.
  2. There is no such thing as TMI on Facebook – Just got totally wasted at the party?  Instant Facebook status.  Have hot and steamy sex with a hooker last night?  That’s perfect fodder for a status update.  Scratching your itchy balls?  Status update!  Just threw up in front of the President?  Then you make a game out of updating your status before you appear on the 5 o’clock news.  There’s no limit to the embarrassing stuff that you can put on Facebook.  If you are looking for a job, however, then those status updates can work against you in a court of job interview (and it does feel like going for a job interview is like going to court these days).
  3. Poking is an art – While there have been several changes to Facebook over the years, one thing that has remained the same is the poke.  The poke was designed to be a not so subtle flirting technique, but there are far more applications to the poke than just flirting.  There’s also poke wars, where you repeatedly poke someone over and over again until they get tired and quit poking back.  Then you can declare victory.  Of course, some people don’t stop poking back, but instead write on your wall to stop poking them. When this happens, you must not stop poking them, as you’ve done pwned them. Poking them becomes even more fun, as you’re clearly annoying them.  Of course, all the fun and games of poking come to an end when the person you’re poking on Facebook pokes you in the eye with a fork in real life.
  4. You must complain when Facebook changes its layout every 2.5 seconds – People tend to be resistant to change.  This is a common fact of life, yet someone at the Facebook headquarters in Dracula’s Castle apparently didn’t get that memo.  I’ve never seen a site change its layout as many times as Facebook has.  In fact, they seem to change their layout more often than some people change their underwear.  Every time Facebook changes its layout, thousands of its users complain, and every time the users’ complaints fall on Mark Zuckerburg’s deaf ears.  Maybe Facebook should stick with one layout for a while, maybe finishing this candy bar before starting another.
  5. Facebook apps are designed to bother your friends – A few years ago, Facebook introduced apps.  Now, this seemed like a good idea at the time, but unfortunately they made it too easy to send app invites to all your friends.  What happens is that the friends get annoyed by all the spam and end up hating everything in life.  The worst of these spam apps are games.  Many of the more well-known games on Facebook end in -ville, such as Farmville, Yoville, Frontierville, Cityville, and Bothertheshitoutofyourfriendsville.  Oh how I hate Farmville.  I want to destroy all those virtual farms and curse the day that retched game was born.  Anyway, if it’s not games that’s the subject of app spam, then it’s the annoy surveys like “Which city do you belong in”, “Which Twilight character are you”, and “Which Facebook app annoys you the most”.  It’s a small wonder why I spend less time on Facebook these days.

Well, that’s Facebook in a nutshell.  There’s more to Facebook than what I’ve outlined here, but unwanted Farmville invites are annoying me too much for me to dive into more of Facebook’s features.  Until next time, remember to keep your damn Farmville invites to yourself!

Well, Christmas is over.  Yes, people have stopped killing each other over the last action figure in the store for little Johnny.  Now, people are killing each other to return little Johnny’s action figure that was the last one in the store.  While the big box retailers remain a blood bath, these days after Christmas are a reminder that the year is almost over with.  What a crappy year it was.  But this post is not about the terrible year that was 2010.  Instead, I’m looking forward, not backward.  Upward, not forward.  And constantly twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom.  Instead, I’ll be focusing on the new year, especially in regards to new years resolutions.  You see, New Years Day, a date randomly selected by some guy a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, is a symbol for new beginnings.  Is there a such thing as old beginnings?  Anyway, many people come up with New Year’s resolutions as a way to have a fresh start.  However, most people make resolutions like “lose weight” or “make better grades” or “stop cheating on spouse a la Tiger Woods” that they generally have little motivation to, well, actually keep.  Thus, it is up to Rob of the Sky to tell you how to make a real New Year’s resolution.
Now, you might be thinking “Well, Rob of the Sky, what do you know about having the motivation to keep a New Year’s resolution.  After all, you can’t even keep up with your blog enough to update every hour on the hour.”  Well, you may be happy to know that I’ve kept my New Year’s resolution for the past 8 years or so.   Impressive, isn’t it?  Now, you might be wondering what my secret to keeping my resolution for all these years.  Well, my resolution for all these years was to not eat any hot sauce, and I have been able to keep this resolution because I don’t really like hot sauce.  You see, I realized that I could continue making high-aiming resolutions that I wasn’t going to keep, or I could make a low-aiming resolution that i could easily keep.  After all, if at first you don’t succeed, lower your expectations.  Mediocrity rules!  So yes, my advice to keeping you New Year’s resolution is to make one that you will probably keep anyway.  Another route you can take is the reverse New Year’s resolution.  Because in this country, you make resolution.  In Russia, resolution makes you.  Eh, that was lame.  Anyway, the reverse New Year’s resolution is where you make a resolution that is the opposite of your goal in hopes that you don’t keep you resolution (and thus keeping your goal).  For example, if you want to lose weight, you make a New Year’s resolution to gain weight.  Then, you fail to keep the resolution to gain weight, which means that you lose weight and thus have kept your original goal of losing weight.  Win.  I haven’t tried this idea, so I don’t know if it will work.  If you do decide to try it, let me know how it goes.  Until next time, remember that if you have a leg growing out of your head, you should contact a doctor immediately.  Have a Happy Easter!