Last time on Rob of the Sky’s Guide to Crap, Rob of the Sky wrote about some Christmas songs that are annoying.  This post was so popular, yet there were certain songs that should have been on the list.  Well, Rob of the Sky was never one to half-ass do anything.  Actually, that’s a lie.  Rob of the Sky frequently half-ass does stuff.  The point is…Rob of the Sky doesn’t know what the point is.  So just enjoy a list of more Christmas songs that are annoying.

  • Winter Wonderland – Who the hell is Parson Brown?  Why are pretending the snowman is Parson Brown?  It makes no sense.  In fact, what does this song have to do with Christmas anyway?  It’s more about snow than it is about Christmas.  What does snow have to do with Christmas anyway?  It seems like every Christmas movie has snow in it.  Even “Ernest Save Christmas”, which was set in that great arctic town of Orlando, Florida, had a snow scene.  Apparently the world undergoes severe global cooling on December 25th and December 25th alone every year.
  • Feliz Navidad – Here’s a song with two languages that ha no depth in either language.  The whole song is like two sentences, one in Spanish and one in English, with tons of repetition.  The point is, put more depth into the songs that you’re writing.
  • Silver Bells – Apparently it’s Christmas time only in the city.
  • Last Christmas by Wham! – Wham! is an interesting name for a band.  They could have simply been Wham, but that wasn’t good enough.  No, they had to add an exclamation point after the band name.  How many other bands have exclamation points in their names?  The only other band I can think of that meets that criterion is Panic! at the Disco.  Anyway, back to Wham!  I have a bit of a love-hate feeling about Wham!  I find some of their songs like “Wake me up Before you Gogo” to be incredibly annoying, while at the same time I enjoy some of their songs like “Careless Whisper”.  Unfortunately, “Last Christmas” is in the annoying category.  The song is about a guy who gave away his heart last Christmas, only to find that the girl he gave it to dump his ass the next day in traditional gold-digger style.  This could have easily been a Valentines’s Day song.  Why did the singer give his heart away anyway?  He needs that to, well, live.  After all, you only get one heart, and once it’s gone, you’re gone.
  • Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney – You may know this song as the song that says “simply having a wonderful Christmas time” 459,327,168 times.  For a song writer of McCartney’s caliber, he really did get lazy with this song.  I’ll stick with John Lennon’s “Merry Xmas (War is Over)” instead.

Well, that’s nearly the end of my post.  However, there is one more song I want to talk about.  This song is so annoying that many people feel that any list of annoying Christmas songs is invalidated by the lack of inclusion of this one song.  That song is…wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…

  • Santa Baby – Boy this is a train wreck of a song.  Where do I begin with what is wrong with this song?  Well, for one thing, the woman singing this songs has the unsexiest voice ever.  If the singer wants to turn Santa on, she fails miserably.  It’s not much of a stretch to say that some male singers have a sexier voice than the singer of “Santa Baby”.  And why is she going after Santa anyway?  Santa’s old as dirt.  Then again, some old guys like Hugh Heffner and Bob Barker have young, barely legal women chasing after them.  So I guess in that sense chasing after Santa could work.  Plus old men like Santa have a miracle drug called Viagra that gives them up to four hours of fun with barely legal women.  Still, I don’t think all the Viagra in the world would turn Santa on after listening to “Santa Baby”.  Though he might end up being turned on by listening to “Last Christmas” by Wham! instead.

Well, that it’s for today.   Until next time, remember to have a Happy Fourth of July!

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